|
Sorry about an few repeats but I copyed the quotes from different webpages. Rose: You know what I think?
Blanche: No, do you?
Sophia: When I turn my hearing-aid up to ten, I can hear a canary break wind in Lauderdale!
Dorothy: You'll have to excuse my mother; she suffered a slight stroke a few years ago, which rendered her totally annoying.
Sophia: Rose, I need some advice too.
Rose: You need advice from ME?
Sophia: Yeah, frightening, isn't it.
Blanche: I never had to pay a penny in backtaxes. I have a way with auditors. The last time I was audited I even got money back from the government.
Sophia: Blanche, it's not a refund when the auditor leaves two twenties on your nightstand.
Rose [about Miles]: He makes me feel foolish. I don't even feel comfortable telling him St. Olaf stories.
Dorothy: I want to know exactly what he said to make you feel that way.
Sophia [Rose fixed a dinner]: Cabbage she serves me, in ten minutes I could be sky writing!
Rose: Dorothy, you're the smart one, and Blanche, you're the sexy one, and Sophia, you're the old one, and I'm the nice one. Everybody always likes me.
Sophia: The old one isn't so crazy about you.
Dorothy: You know what's young to me now? Forty. Suddenly forty is young.
Blanche: Oooh... Aren't you sweet.
Rose [enters from the kitchen]: Do you want to see my vanskap kaka?
Sophia: As long as I don't have to show you mine.
Blanche: Mel makes me feel young and beautiful and special. When we're together we laugh a lot.
Sophia: Why wouldn't you, you're both naked.
Rose [about a colleague at work]: I know if he got to know me he'd like me.
Sophia: Why, I got to know you and I don't like you.
Rose: You just say that.
Sophia: Repeatedly.
Dorothy: You know what your trouble is?
Blanche: Of course not.
Sophia: When I feel bad, I have to take my mind off it. There's only one thing that does that to me.
Dorothy: Cooking a big meal...
Sophia: No, making love in a closet.
Rose: Tell me, is it possible to love two men at the same time?
Blanche: Set the scene, have we been drinking?
Buzz: Rosie, I never should have left you forty years ago. I can still see you standing on the platform as the train started to roll by. Remember, Rose? You were walking alongside, tears rolling down your cheeks. When the train picked up a little speed, you started to run. Suddenly you were out of sight. It was very painful for me.
Rose: For me too. I ran face first into the crossing-signal.
Rose [on St. Olaf]: Ned was sort of the town idiot.
Sophia: When, on your days off?
Blanche: My sister has turned into a deceitful old woman whose only pleasure is in hurting people. No offence, Sophia.
Rose: Dorothy, a man called for you while you were out.
Sophia: Finally. Now we can break out that bottle of champagne we've been saving.
Dorothy: Ma-a...
Sophia: Come on, Dorothy, we might not get another chance.
Dorothy: Oh sure we will. We can just serve it at... the wake.
Blanche: Oh Dorothy, I just talked to somebody back home, and they are doing the most horrible thing! They are tearing down the most important building in Blanche Devereaux's family history.
Dorothy: Oh my God, they're tearing down Mattress World.
Blanche: Even worse than that. They are tearing down the place where I spent my happiest moments as a child.
Dorothy: Oh I'm sorry, Blanche. They're tearing down Boys Town.
Rose [entering cheerfully]: Sooo, who's the luckiest girl in the history of the world!
Sophia: Well, it wasn't your mother.
Dorothy: Oh come on, Ma, that's superstitious nonsense. You know, step on a crack, break your mother's back, it doesn't work. I know.
Sophia: Blanche, a terrible thing has happened to you. But when life does something like this, there are a couple of things you got to remember. You got your health, right?
Blanche: Yeah.
Sophia: You can still walk, can't you?
Blanche: That's true.
Sophia: Great, go get me a glass of water.
Blanche [to her daughter Janet, who doubts God's existence]: Oh honey, of course He exists. Just look at the beautiful sky, the majestic trees. God created man, and gave him a heart, and a mind, and thighs that could crack walnuts.
Rose: My cousin Ingmar was different. He used to do bird imitations.
Blanche: What's wrong with that?
Rose: Well, let's just say, you didn't want to park your car under their oak tree.
Blanche: I don't really mind Clayton being homosexual, I just don't like him dating men.
Dorothy: You really haven't grasped the concept of this gay thing yet, have you?
Blanche: There must be homosexuals who date women.
Sophia: Yeah, they're called lesbians.
Dorothy: Why can't you sleep on the couch and give Clayton and Doug your room?
Blanche: Are you crazy, what will the neighbours think if they see two men in my bedroom?
Sophia: They'll think it's Tuesday.
Blanche [to Rose]: What? Are you out of what is left of your mind?!
[Sophia and Dorothy come through the front door]
Rose: Why are you both wearing black? Did you just get back from a funeral?
Dorothy: No Rose, we were singing back-up for Johnny Cash.
[The Girls got stuck with the neighbour's baby]
Blanche: Now, only women in there twenties and thirties have babies, whatever is a woman in her forties to do?
Dorothy: I don't know, why don't we find one and ask?
Dorothy: Rose honey, I think you're putting the cart before the horse.
Rose: And that's bad?
Blanche: I tried giving up sex.
Dorothy: I guess you fell off the wagon.
Sophia: And on to a naval base!
[Dorothy and Blanche are mistakenly labeled as lesbian lovers on a talk show]
Sophia: What kind of pain and embarrassment has this lifestyle caused your mother?
Dorothy: I really don't know, but I'll ask her tomorrow when I visit her at... The Home.
Sophia: No more questions.
[Dorothy just left the house for a vacation, leaving her mother to Blanche's care]
Sophia: Fasten your seatbelt, slutpuppy, this ain't gonna be no cakewalk!
[Stan thinks his brother Ted is after Dorothy]
Stan: Don't you see? The last time Ted went to Acapulco he got married!
Dorothy: So? The last time I went to Coney Island I got pregnant. What's your point?
Rose: Cooking, Dorothy?
Dorothy: No, Rose, I'm developing pictures for the Magellan Space Program.
Dorothy: You know, sometimes I can't believe my ears.
Sophia: I know. I should've taped them back when you were seven.
Dorothy: Come on, Ma, let's go out on the lanai.
Sophia: No, I think I'll just stay here.
Dorothy: Shady Pines, Ma.
Sophia: You're bluffing.
Dorothy: The west wing.
Sophia: I'm right behind you, pussycat!
Dorothy [to Rose]: And what did you win this time? A vasectomy?
Sophia: Jealousy is a very ugly thing, Dorothy! And so are you, in anything backless.
Dorothy: You'll have to excuse my mother, she survived a slight stroke, which left her, if I can be frank, a complete burden.
Stan's mother: If I had to thank her, I'd choke on the words.
Dorothy: Please risk it.
Dorothy: Take if from the top, Rose.
Rose: That sounds so professional!
Dorothy: Okay, Rose, tickle the ivories.
Rose: Goochie goochie goo!
Dorothy: Rose, play or die!
Blanche: You are nothing but a lowdown carpetbagging scallywag! And as God is my witness, I will never shampoo your hair again!
Blanche: Why, Rose, that's the law of the jungle!
Sophia: Thank you, Sheena, queen of the slut people.
Dorothy: Ma, I have a feeling you're lying.
Rose: Dorothy, be positive!
Dorothy: Okay, I'm positive you're lying!
Michael [caught]: Grandma, this isn't what it looks like.
Sophia: Please! I'm eighty years old. I may not remember what it feels like, but I sure as hell know what it looks like!
Rose: You know, Sophia, your problem at work reminds me of something that happened back in St. Olaf.
Sophia: Please. Dust reminds you of something that happened back in St. Olaf.
Blanche: Rose is a bimbo.
Counselor: Rose, how do you feel about Blanche calling you that?
Rose: I think she's a garkgernckin.
Counselor: What does that mean?
Rose: Well, it used to be the term for the precise second that dog doo turns white, but now it mainly stands for rude.
Dorothy: Well, if someone asked me to sail around the world with him, I'd say yes.
Sophia: Sail around the world? Please, you can't even get someone to ask you for a date. Sail around the world. Yeah, like there's a long line of men standing on the
Dorothy: ALRIGHT, Ma!
Blanche: Dorothy, you do that one more time, and I'm gonna write on this wall: 'For a good time, call Dorothy Zbornak'.
Dorothy: Oh Blanche, this is the ladies' room.
Blanche: Right!
Rose: There's something about her I don't like.
Blanche: Me too.
Rose: I think she's rude.
Blanche: Me too.
Rose: She thinks I'm dumb.
Blanche: Me too.
Frank [a priest]: Oh, we do a lot of things real people do.
Blanche: Except for one very important thing.
[Cheerful Rose after her near-death-experience]
Rose: Being dead really changed my life!
Dorothy: It does that for a lot of people, Rose.
Blanche: Well, nobody ever believes me when I'm telling the truth. I guess it's the curse of every devastating beautiful woman.
[Rose gets into bed with Dorothy]
Rose: I want you to know you're sleeping with a liar.
Dorothy: I wouldn't worry about it, most of the men I've slept with have been liars.
Blanche: Dorothy, do you think I'm dressed okay for the dog races?
Sophia: That depends are you competing?
[The first prize is posthumously awarded, Rose ended second]
Rose: She doesn't need that award on her mantel! She IS on her mantel!
Stan [after seductive singing]: Is it working?
Dorothy: I don't think so!
Stan: Then you leave me no other choice, I'll have to pull out the big gun...
Dorothy: I'm familiar with the big gun.
Dorothy: Good night, Rose! Go to sleep, honey! Pray for brains!
[Blanche running after a dog]
Dorothy: Ha! Would you look at that: man's best friend, chasing man's best friend!
Blanche: You know how fragile men's egos are: one little mistake like screaming out the wrong name and they go all to pieces.
Dorothy: Stanley, what possessed you?
Stan: I love that car. All the memories we have in that car. The cruising, the drive-ins, the roadtrips...
Sophia: And don't forget the accident you had in that car.
Stan: What accident?
Sophia: I'll give you a hint: it costs me ten bucks every Christmas, and still calls me grandma.
[Rose doesn't want to lie, going to a strange reunion]
Blanche: Rose, what's the natural color of your hair?
Rose: I'll get the car.
Blanche: When they put me in a prison, I'll be brave, I can handle it!
Rose: Blanche, you don't understand, they put you in a women's prison!
Rose: I stopped at the gas station and they were nice enough to give me a ride home. [to Blanche:] Oh, by the way, Chuck says Yo.
Blanche: Chuck from Arco or Chuck from Shell?
Rose: Shell.
Blanche: Big Chuck from Shell or little Chuck from Shell?
Dorothy: Blanche, I think you are spending too much time at the full service island.
Dorothy: Oh Rose, this is terrible, you have been robbed of the most basic sense of security. You know, no matter what else is happening, at the very least I know that when I come home at night, you are you, Blanche is Blanche, and Ma, if she's taken her medication, is my mother.
Blanche: I've never been so humiliated in my life.
Dorothy: What about the time you lost the key to your handcuffs and had to go with that guy on his mail route.
Blanche: Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to relax in a hot, steamy bath with just enough water to cover my perky bosoms.
Sophia: You're gonna lay in an inch of water?
[About the artist Laszlo]
Dorothy: Blanche, what exactly makes you think he's your man.
Sophia: Who?
Blanche: Maybe the fact that I found him first.
Sophia: Who?
Rose: What about the fact that he dumped you for me?
Sophia: Who?
Dorothy: Laszlo, Ma.
Sophia: Who's Laszlo?
Rose: A Hungarian artist we've all been posing nude for.
Sophia: In the future, a simple 'none of your business, Sophia' will suffice.
Rose: Sophia, what are you doing?
Sophia: What does it look like I'm doing, I'm cleaning out my purse.
Rose: Sophia, why are you in such a bad mood?
Sophia: Excuse me Rose, I haven't had sex in fifteen years and it's starting to get on my nerves.
Dorothy: Blanche, you dated Tony Bennett?
Blanche: Honey, I did more than date him! He may have left his heart in San Francisco, but he left his shorts on my radiator.
[Sophia entering the kitchen]
Dorothy: Ma, you couldn't sleep either?
Sophia: No, I was sleeping so well, I thought I'd try it in the sink.
Sophia: Rose, I found my lucky handkerchief.
Rose: Where was it?
Sophia: It was in my bra.
Rose: What was it doing in your BRA?!
Sophia: It was blowing my breasts, Rose!
Dorothy: Blanche, are you sure you're pregnant?
Blanche: I just did a home pregnancy test it's right here.
Rose: It looks like a perfume sample.
Dorothy: Put it behind your ears, Rose.
Rose: I'll have to go on the St. Olaf 'I-can't-believe-this-is-cheese' diet.
Dorothy: Oh, and what is that, Rose?
Rose: You eat nothing but rice!
Blanche: I've decided what I'm gonna use my bonus check money for.
Dorothy: What?
Blanche: I'm gonna have my breasts enlarged!
Rose: Blanche, why would you want to do that?
Blanche: Rose, breasts are back in fashion! Besides, what God didn't give me, Dr. Newman will. He's the Picasso of plastic surgery!
Dorothy: Fine, Blanche. Just make sure he doesn't attach one to your forehead.
Rebecca: I'm having this baby in a birthing center. They emphasize natural childbirth without any painkillers.
Blanche: Honey, I know I told you where babies come from, but did I ever mention where they come OUT?
Blanche: This is a birthing center? Where's the equipment? Where's the doctor?
Sophia: Yeah, she'd be better off having the baby in your bedroom, at least you have stirrups.
Dorothy: And there's a better chance of finding a doctor.
Blanche: First Becky conceives in a clinic and now she wants to deliver in a bedroom. She's got the whole thing backwards. Oh, this is all wrong. What kind of dope would wanna have a baby here?
Rose: This place makes me wanna run out and get pregnant.
Dorothy: You're just jealous because I have a date on Saturday night and you don't.
Blanche: Saturday night? Kid stuff. Get lucky on a Tuesday morning, then call me.
Blanche: I don't look right in American clothes, I have a more European physique.
Rose: Oh, in Europe they all have big butts, too?
Blanche [talking to Rose about an excuse for Miles]: Well, just tell him you have a lot of work at home.
Rose: But I don't want to lie!
Blanche: When you get home, we'll make you clean out the garage.
Rose: Oh thanks, I owe you big for this one!
Dorothy: What happened?
Blanche: She shot my vase.
Dorothy: What are you doing shooting, are you crazy?!
Rose: I heard a noise, I thought it was robbers.
Sophia: I lived eighty, eighty-one years, I survived two world wars, pneumonia, a stroke and two operations. One night I'll belch and Stable Mabel here will blow my head off!
Rose: We should put out the welcome mat.
Blanche: But honey, we don't have a welcome mat.
Rose: What about the one Dorothy always says is at the foot of your bed?
Blanche: Listen, did you hear that sound?
Sophia: Yeah, and as long as I'm in my own bed I'll do what I want.
Blanche: Now I know why Hemingway killed himself. Oh girls, I have a writer's block it's the worst feeling in the world!
Sophia: Try ten days without a bowel movement sometime.
Blanche: You just keep sitting there, hour after hour after hour...
Sophia: Tell me about it.
[The Girls' airconditioning broke down and Sophia is standing in front of the opened refrigerator while exposing herself]
Dorothy: Ma, what the hell are you doing?!
Sophia: I'm giving the left-over meatloaf a thrill what do you think I'm doing, it's hot as hell in here!
Dorothy: Well, close it before the food spoils.
Sophia: Okay. [covers herself]
Dorothy: I meant the refrigerator!
[Dorothy is writing a letter to her late father]
Dorothy: I just thought Pop didn't like me, like he didn't love me.
Sophia: He loved you, in fact he said: 'Anyone would want a daughter like this'... Of course he was saying it to the gypsies.
Dorothy: Do you have any idea how much that hurts me when you say things like that?
Sophia: No. After I'm dead, drop me a note.
Rose: What was the best sex you ever had, Blanche?
Dorothy: Oh! Way to go, Rose! Look Blanche, there's only one cheesecake left, so let's make menopause the cutoff point.
Blanche: Best sex... oh, it's just so hard to rate these things. There's degree of difficulty, stylepoints, choice of music... Did they land on their feet during the dismount... Different people have different strength, it's just impossible to tell, but anything over a nine is excellent.
Rose: Over a nine?!
Blanche: Points, Rose. Points!
Sophia [who is in a grocery store at the fruit counter]: Haven't you got any decent nectarines?
Clerk: You're crazy! This nectarine is beautiful! I've never seen a more perfect piece of fruit!
Sophia: Oh yeah? Then try kissing my behind it's a real peach!
[Sophia enters the kitchen]
Dorothy: Ma, have you finished mailing those invitations yet?
Sophia: I just wanted a drink of water, all that stamp licking dries me out!
Rose: Why don't you use a sponge?
Sophia: Nah, I feel more comfortable drinking out of a glass.
[One of Rose's relatives died]
Rose: Aunt Gretchen was always a very rigid person.
Dorothy: Especially now!
[A game of Scrabble]
Dorothy: Ma, 'disdam' is not a word.
Sophia: It certainly is!
Dorothy: Okay, prove it, use it in a sentence.
Sophia: You're no good at disdam game.
[Dorothy cannot find work during a ten-weeks leave from her job as a teacher]
Sophia: This wouldn't have happened if you had taken the job I wanted you to take!
Dorothy: Ma, you wanted me to be a nun.
Sophia: Right. It's steady work, they supply the uniform and you're married to God. At least he is home every night.
Rose: Once I read your diary.
Blanche: You did WHAT?!
Rose: Well, it was an accident, you left it open on the kitchen table. I was twenty pages in before I realized it wasn't a Sidney Sheldon novel.
[Sophia walks into the kitchen wearing all-black sunglasses]
Dorothy: Ladies and gentlemen: Roy Orbison. Ma, I know you can't see through those!
Sophia: Are you kidding? I can see just fine. [motions to Blanche] Who's the black guy?
Blanche: What do you wear to a sperm bank?
Dorothy: Something attractive in rubber.
Blanche: I have that.
Sophia [about her late husband Sal]: May he rest in peace till I get there.
Rose: Back in St. Olaf we all have the same family tree. You can trace each of us back to the same brother and sister.
Sophia: Ow!
Dorothy: What is it, Ma?
Sophia: Pain!
Dorothy: What kind of pain?
Sophia: The kind that hurts!
[Blanche wants to keep the car they have payable-at-sight]
Blanche: I'll give you anything! I'll give you one of my sons!
Dorothy: Blanche!
Blanche: Dorothy, I've given this a lot of thought. I've had three sons, I've never had a Mercedes. Which one do you want? Biff, Doug, Skippy? No, don't take Skippy, he's got asthma.
Blanche: Do you know what I hate doing most after a party?
Rose: Trying to find your undies in the big pile?
Blanche: Mel and I were meant to be together.
Sophia: But your thighs weren't.
Blanche: I won't stand for this! [she gets up and starts to walk out]
Sophia: Take it, Dorothy!
Dorothy: But I bet you'll lie down for it.
Blanche: The Great Herring War?
Rose: Between the Lindstrms and the Johanssens.
Dorothy: Oh, THAT Great Herring War!
Dorothy: Ma, I waited up until two in the morning for you, and you still weren't home.
Sophia: Oh, yeah, me and Gertie went over to Wolfie's to pick up guys.
Dorothy: I called Wolfie's. You weren't there.
Sophia: Guess who got lucky.
Dorothy: Oh God!
[A car going down the highway]
Rose: Okay, let's try it now with Dorothy! Dorothy Dorothy bo-borothy, banana fanna fo-forothy, fi fy mo-morothy [brakes squealing to a halt].
Dorothy: Get out, Rose.
Dorothy: Ma, I still can't believe what you were doing on the Interstate!
Sophia: I was living for the day, pussycat.
Dorothy: You were mooning a chain gang!
Sophia: And did you see the smiles on their faces? They probably hadn't seen a woman in years!
Dorothy: I guess not. They kept up with us through four warning shots.
Sophia: Oh boy, we're going to a sperm bank. I wonder if they have a drive-up window.
Dorothy: I haven't been this tired since my wedding night.
Blanche: I can understand one being exhausted from a night of unbridled passion!
Dorothy: Who said anything about passion, I was tired from picking up beer cans and cigarette butts from Stan and his poker buddies.
[The night before her reunion, Dorothy is thankful that the cheesecake she's eating won't show the next day]
Rose: But when it won't show tomorrow, where does the weight go in the meantime?
Dorothy: I don't know, Rose. Connecticut?
Sophia: Dreyfuss is gone.
Blanche: He ran away?
Sophia: No, we had a falling out and agreed to a trial separation.
Rose: I'll never forget the time they sang at our talent show, right after the herring juggling act.
Blanche: You mean to tell me that somebody actually juggled herring?
Rose: No! It was the herring who did the juggling. Tiny little ginsu knives. One false move and they would have filleted themselves!
Dorothy: Four women live in this house. The toilet seat never has to move. You always manage to make it bang.
Sophia: Forgive me, sweetheart. Why don't you just get me a litterbox to keep next to my nightstand.
Dorothy: The only thing me and Eddie have in common is under the sheets.
Rose: What's under the sheets?
Dorothy: His cappuccino maker, Rose.
Rose: Well, I thought she was good in the Diary of Anne Frank.
Dorothy: Rose please, during the entire second act the audience kept screaming: She is in the attic! She is in the attic!
Dorothy: Well, Mr. Pfeiffer...
Mr. Pfeiffer: That's P-feiffer. The 'p' is not silent.
Dorothy: Well, uh, Mr. P-feiffer, we're interested in arranging a funeral.
Mr. Pfeiffer [to Dorothy, Rose and Blanche]: Isn't that lovely. The three of you planning ahead for mother.
Sophia: Hey, uh, P-feiffer, how would you like a punch in your p-face!
Sophia: Angelo, you got to help me. I'm in trouble.
Angelo: Then the boy will marry you!
[In the morning Dorothy comes home, wearing an evening dress]
Blanche: Dorothy Zbornak, are you just getting in?
Dorothy: No, Blanche. I got up early and went jogging in a park with a really strict dress code.
Rose: I skipped school only once. It turned out to be the day they taught everything!
Sophia: Look, Rose, God doesn't make mistakes. We were all put on this planet for a purpose. Blanche, you're here to work in a museum, so that art can be appreciated by humanity. Dorothy, you're here as a substitute teacher to educate our youth. And Rose, you're here because the rhythm method was very popular in the twenties.
Blanche: I'm wound up tighter than a girdle on a Baptist minister's wife at an all-you-can-eat pancake breakfast.
Dorothy: He should have been here a half hour ago.
Blanche: According to the rules of etiquette, you should never wait more than twenty minutes for a date.
Sophia: She's already waited six months for a date, what's another half hour?
Blanche: The pope is coming here?! Oh, what will I wear? I don't have a thing that doesn't draw attention to my bosom.
Sophia: Try wearing make-up.
Rose: Sophia, is that a Captain Jack's Seafood Shandee uniform you're wearing?
Sophia: No, Rose. I'm off to discover the Straits of Magellan. Yo ho!
Blanche: This is like the Twilight Zone. Somehow we got on a train that ended up in Rose's mind.
Dorothy [to Blanche]: How long did you wait to have sex after George died?
Sophia: Till the paramedics came.
Rose: I've been on the phone for a half hour and you'll never guess what happened!
Dorothy: You realized you forgot to dial first.
Rose: No.
Blanche: You were holding the receiver the wrong way.
Rose: No.
Dorothy: You were talking into the tv remote instead of the phone.
Rose: No.
Blanche: A shoe?
Rose: No, I'm not an idiot! The tv has a remote?
Rose: There's a strange man on our front lawn.
Blanche: Get the net!
Blanche: Oh Jerry, but I don't want to be treated as your equal.
Jerry: You don't?
Blanche: Why no! I want to be treated a lot better than you.
Nurse: I'm sorry, I can't leave.
Dorothy: What?
Nurse: Until Sophia can walk again, I'm staying put.
Sophia: You're a good daughter. [to Dorothy:] Take a lesson, pussycat.
Nurse: You're pussycat, too?
Dorothy: I'm Pussycat One. You're Pussycat Two.
Blanche: I'm abhorred.
Sophia: We know what you are, Blanche. I'm glad to finally hear you admit it.
Blanche: Sophia, I said abhorred.
Sophia: Abhorred, a slut, a tramp. It's all the same.
Rose: Oh Dorothy, it's a second hand T-shirt with my name mis-spelled on it. Thank you!
Dorothy: Ma, where have you been?
Sophia: I always believe that when you're in a hospital, you should go around and cheer the other patients up.
Dorothy: Oh Ma, that's so nice.
Sophia: Yeah, so I went upstairs to Geriatrics and sang 'Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better'.
Blanche: It's not just a full moon, Dorothy. It's a leap year's full moon! All your dreams can happen if you just believe. All you have to do is believe!
Dorothy [clapping]: Oh, I do believe! I do believe in sluts!
Blanche: Girls, how does this dress look on me?
Sophia: What's the difference? In half an hour it'll be crumpled up on the floor next to an empty bottle of Jack Daniel's.
Sophia: What's the number of the police station?
Rose: Is there anything wrong, Sophia?
Sophia: No, I just want to find out where I can buy the best donuts.
Dorothy: How's the diet coming, Blanche?
Blanche: Oh, just fine. Piece of cake! A big ol' piece of chocolate cake. Smothered in whipped cream and coconut flakes. And a lobster!
Dorothy: Get back here, you deceitful little Sicilian gecko!
Sophia: I wuv you!
Dorothy: Too wittle, too wate!
Sophia: Why is it that every time someone visits, I have to sleep with Dorothy? Why do I always get the short end of the stick?
Dorothy: Because you ARE the short stick.
Sophia: I'm settling my estate.
Dorothy: What estate? Your bus pass and loofah sponge?
Blanche: I'm having a vegetable plate. You probably haven't noticed, but I put on three pounds.
Sophia: On each side.
Sophia: Rose! Thank God you're here. There's something I have to tell you.
Dorothy: Ma, don't!
Sophia: Dorothy, don't try to stop me. This curse is bigger than both of us well, bigger than me.
Rose: What is it, Sophia?
Sophia: I saw... Dorothy and Miles kissing. [pause] I said I saw Dorothy, your friend, and Miles, your fiance, kissing! [pause] Hello! Didn't you hear me? Dorothy, Miles, lips aflame, they were KISSING!
Rose: And?
Sophia: And she's pregnant with his love child what do ya mean: 'AND'?!
Dorothy: I got married before my father finished the sentence.
Rose: You married your father?
Sophia: Who's this?
Rose: Holly, this is
Holly: Oh, wait now Rose, let me. She's feisty, zesty, and full of Old World charm: Sophia.
Sophia: She's mopy, dopy, and full of crap: Rose's sister.
Blanche [to Marla and Jackie]: Well, just let me freshen my make-up. Girls, why don't you come with me and I'll show you how I transform myself into a fresh faced innocent young thing.
Rose: Could you skip the innocent part, Blanche, the show starts in two hours.
Blanche: What if it was my eulogy.
Dorothy: What?
Blanche: What if you were giving an eulogy for me? What would you say?
Dorothy: Oh come on, Blanche.
Blanche: No, I'm serious, Dorothy. What would you say?
Dorothy: Well, I guess I'd say that you were a lovely, generous person and one of the best friends I ever had.
Blanche: Nothing about my looks?
Dorothy: I'd say that you were one of my prettiest friends.
Blanche: One of?
Dorothy: THE, Blanche! THE prettiest!
[...]
Dorothy: What would you say about me?
Blanche: Dorothy, come on.
Dorothy: I told you. You can tell me.
Blanche: Well, I would say I always felt safe having you in the house, and I would say I always enjoyed talking to you when I'd come home from one of my numerous dates, and I would say I always looked up to you like an older sister.
Dorothy [gets up, starts walking to the door]: Thank you, Blanche. Oh, and I forgot one thing. I would also say you're fat.
Sophia [she lost her glasses and can't see]: Oh, my God. That's the cutest baby I've ever seen.
Dorothy: Ma, it's a pig!
Sophia: Hey, you were not great looking when I brought you home from the hospital.
Rose [to Baby the pig]: There you are; you get into that kitchen and eat your slop before I spank that little pig fanny!
Sophia: All right, I'm going, I'm going... Oh sorry. That's the way they used to call us for dinner in the home.
[Blanche complains to the other Girls that Baby has ripped up her nightie]
Blanche: And he likes to watch me take a shower!
Sophia: He's a pig, there's no accounting for taste.
Veterinarian: There's really nothing wrong with Baby, physically.
Rose: He's got a mental problem.
Dorothy: Four grown women decide to live with a pig, and HE is the one with the mental problem?!
[Dorothy opens the front door and Stan comes in, carrying a black bin bag filled with receipts that they need for backtax purposes]
Dorothy: Oh, how nice of you to bring garbage.
Stan: Our future is in this bag!
Dorothy: How appropriate.
Sophia: Dorothy, have you seen my teeth?
Dorothy: They're in your mouth, Ma.
Sophia: I know that. Don't they look good today, I ran them through the dishwasher.
Blanche: Since when do you care how you look.
Dorothy: I think it started when I came down from the bell tower and had my hump fixed!
Sophia [to Greta]: Is it true what they say about black men in bed?
Blanche: Oh yes, definitely. Oh... yes definitely that is something I would like to know too.
Blanche: Look at the shameless way she's flirting with him. Disgusting!
Rose: You flirted with him.
Blanche: I'm from the South. Flirting is part of my heritage.
Rose: What do you mean?
Dorothy: Her mother was a slut too.
Rose: Hi, Blanche!
Blanche: Must you always be so cheerful, you empty headed Mary Poppins knockoff.
Dorothy: Well, I can understand that. I mean, women like me don't grow on trees.
Sophia: Too bad. We could use the shade!
Rose: Can I ask a dumb question?
Dorothy: Like no one else.
Dorothy: Ma, I said I was sorry.
Sophia: The least you can do when we're going to see a movie, is say it's a foreign film.
Dorothy: What's the big deal?
Sophia: I had to stand in front of the screen just to read the subtitles, and all that running back and forth to complete a sentence almost killed me.
Rose: My mother always used to say: 'The older you get, the better you get. Unless you're a banana.'
Dorothy: Hi, Blanche.
Blanche: Eat dirt and die, trash!
Dorothy: Even if he never calls again, at least we'll always have Don's Crab House.
Sophia: Ingrid Bergman had Paris, my pussycat has crabs.
Blanche: Oh, but now there is more at stake, everything's changed, it's all new and exciting! In many ways I feel just the way I felt when I was a virgin!
Sophia: You mean, the feeling isn't gonna last long.
Frank: You look lovely tonight.
Dorothy: I look like the mother of a Solid Gold dancer.
Dorothy: Oh c'mon, Blanche, age is just a state of mind.
Blanche: Tell that to my thighs.
Dorothy [full of emotion]: Ma, this is about art, and... and... love, and inspiration, and... you make it sound dirty. Thank you.
Dorothy: How about some whipped cream?
Blanche: I think we still have a can. I'll get it. It's in my bedroom.
Dorothy [instantly]: Never mind, Blanche.
|
